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First day fear.

Your first day. Whether it be at work, university or school, it can be one of the most terrifying experiences for some people.

I had my first day at university this week. Though I'm fortunate enough to not get nervous with things like starting at a new job or public speaking, the night before I was extremely edgy about the whole thing. Because this never happens to me, I began to question why I was nervous and really, what there was to be afraid of. It's a university, not a maze with crazed gunman and axe-wielding maniacs that you have to escape from. 

I found my answer in my lecture for International Politics. The lecturer asked us to talk to people around us and answer the questions he suggested. One of them was "Why are you nervous about beginning university?" In my little group, I was the first person to be asked the question and literally the single thing that popped into my head and I blurted out before I could think rationally about it was "Because I don't want to look like a dumb shit." Everyone laughed and a few others confessed that they were also silently freaking out that they wouldn't be able to complete the simplest of tasks because "it's university" and therefore you're "competing with the best". 

To me, my "fear" of being a complete dullard is slightly bizarre. I don't have a problem public speaking, making friends or standing up for myself or others but I'm silently urging myself to be intelligent and not to screw it up. When I say 'intelligent', I don't mean in an "I know everything therefore I am the best" sort of competitive way, I mean 'intelligent' as in being able to write a decent and comprehensible piece of writing and have a thorough understanding of what's being discussed in lectures and tutorials.

We all want to excel in our chosen paths, but how much do we let this weigh into our psyche? Should we all (me) just take a chill pill and calm the eff down?

Does anyone else share the same "I don't want to be mentally challenged kthnxbai" woes that I do, or am I truly an example of natural selection? Tell me about your experiences at a new job, school or university. x


photo by crazyfrogleg

8 comments:

Miss Peregrin said...

I'm always TERRIFIED starting a new school, class, job etc., because I'm actually quite horrible at making new friends. I'm terribly shy, and I feel like I just make myself look awkward and weird, instead of like someone awesome to hang out with.

Adele said...

Hey, which uni are you at? Maybe the same as me???

I am going back as a grad student, and I can totally empathise with what you are concerned with but also offer some important advice - there are NO stupid questions! I was totally freaked out when I went into my first degree and was so quiet (even though I was a loud-mouth in real life) because I was too afraid I would say something incorrect. Just relax and enjoy it, and get drunk a lot!
What are you studying?

pinkapplecore said...

I'm nervous the first day of class, and i've been in school for three years now. I don't know how the teacher will be, will we get along, are they strict, what do they expect me to do.

It's normal

Katie said...

Yeah I always get feel nervous in those situations.. It's silly because although you can't help feeling nerves I perform at my best when I'm relaxed so I work against myself *rolls eyes* X

Ross said...

Are you an Arts student? If so, then no wonder you're nervous. The key thing is to make sure you've done the assigned reading and attended the lectures, so you at least sound like you know what you're talking about.

Corrine/Frock And Roll said...

Awww, how is university going? :) I hope you had a fantastic first week; I'm sure you did, though - a) you're EXTREMELY intelligent and b) you're just all-around one of the loveliest people ever, so how could people NOT adore you?! :) I definitely know what it's like to have first day fear, though. The night before I started my new job a few weeks ago, I was literally SO nervous and unable to stop thinking about everything that I couldn't sleep - I actually fell asleep at 6.00am, before waking up at 7.00am. Hideous! I think I bought like 3 Red Bulls just to survive that first day!

xoxo

Death Wears Diamond Jewellery said...

definitely understand you! i know im not a total idiot, and yet there is always this little niggling fear that i will come off as one, and people will just see me as some ditzy bimbo. which is why i was sooo shy throughout school and uni. but there are worse things... like having to live your first day on repeat. and giving oral presentations.

Death Wears Diamond Jewellery said...

how is the rest of your week going bubbles?
xxx